Body Image & Food

Heavy, don't it! Not to mention complex. I don't even operate under the misconception that I will be able to explore the complexities of these things and the relationship between them in a blog posting. Once I get tenure though, it's one of my more 'fun' book ideas - specifically the relationship between these things among women (more specifically, women of colour in developing spaces). Meanwhile, though, I can talk about a few dimensions of this relationship and how it plays out in my real life, personal and professional. 


To begin with, people tend to be a little baffled and perhaps slightly confused by my obsession with all things food. My Facebook page is thoroughly littered with various delicious and odd pictures of things I have eaten. A longtime friend mentioned telling his friends about me, his friend who was uncharacteristically obsessed with food - so much so that I take pictures of it. Uncharacteristically, I suppose, because I don't really look like somebody who would eat and love eating as much as I do. The latter hits at the heart of what I think this post is about. As I am sure you realize, sometimes mi nuh really know whe mi a go, mi tek nuff diffrant routes, but me always end up somewhe. So like I tell my students, there is method to my madness, so bear wid me. So back to the enjoying eating part. Lets face it, there are schools of thought that hold that women especially aren't supposed to enjoy eating. 


Let me break that down a little - possibly little less delicately than is perhaps preferred - but you bearing wid me yes? If you eat nuff you wi get fat. If you love food especially, you a go fat. Fat is not good for a woman - she nah go look good.  I have learnt in my journey through life, that fat means different things in different places. In lets say Miami, I was a 'big girl' at 5 feet 4 inches tall and 145 pounds and in Missouri I'm oh so tiny at 5 feet 4 inches tall and 145 pounds. The relativity of such things fascinates me, as I work though my own body image issues and my love of food. Before I moved to Missouri a year ago, after defending a doctoral dissertation, I was a good 15-20 pounds heavier than when I started. Put pon top a dat, when I moved to Miami for grad school, I was 125 pounds. I had gained 20-25 pounds over the course of 7 years. I know big whoop Sheri, really! Nonetheless, last year in the throes of finishing grad school and working the academic's job market - an inexplicable endeavor for the uninitiated - my father declared I was overweight.


Mek we put it all inna perspective now - I idolize my father and such perceived insensitivity was only amplified by my own issues with putting on the weight. He is a daughter's daddy through and through - but ( and pardon di generalization) a man 'im name. To his credit, when he realized how upset I was (if you know me well enough, you wi know mi red when mi stop talk) he immediately tried to fix the slight. But it was too late. Weight gain is a common symptom among those who have tread the same professional road that I have. Honestly, many tell me I got off easy. It was a stressful and incredibly demanding time that made it difficult to maintain healthy eating habits, muchless work exercise into the daily routine. Those close to me will tell you, I am a beast when it comes to work - nothing else is more important than making sure I maintain undistracted focus and pound out the desired product. Put on top of that my unrelenting dissertation supervisor, and it never pretty for Sheri. In the last year I worked on finishing the dissertation, preparing to defend it, working the job market, getting hired in woi woi (aka Columbia Mo), and relocating to woi woi. It did rough after accomplishing as much as I had to still be undone by a comment, from my beloved can do no wrong in my eyes daddy. (If I can find a way to relate food to how still being childless and unmarried has been used to diminish my accomplishments thus far, that may also be a future post.)


I know some of you who know me are thinking, Sheri, you have never been overweight so chill. And my friends, you are right. But I only disclose these things to show that I too have these issues with not being 102 pounds anymore, and the still very much wreak havok on my body image. Nevamind that at 102 I was breasts on two sticks, I was 102.  So, when somebody comments on my love of food, automatically a thought that forms is "I wonder if dem a suggest someting." I hope I have set this up right, but this is precisely why I am as open about loving food as I am. This fear of getting fat and being fat - whatever that happens to mean in your part of the world - leads us to want to closet our food  lives. We could also talk about notions of appetite. If you have a big appetite for food, it can only mean that your appetite for other things is just as big. The remnants of the Victorian age in our contemporary context suggests that the latter is not a desired quality in a good and virtuous woman. Gone astray again to baxide. 


These and many other reasons, turn the less brave among us into closet food lovers. "I'll have a salad," when we really want the ribeye, and nuh bada talk bout di motlen chocolate dessert whe nuh stop talk to we from we glimpse it inna di menu. Cant have him thinking yu eat nuff. I cant tell you how many times I've had men (and even worse women) look at me incredulously after I deal wid a serious plate a food. You invite me out, I a go eat. So far, at least once a semester, in just one class (I typically teach two courses per semester) we end up so not doing the business of the day. It's usually right before a break when I crashing and burning as fast as my students are. So, we spend the time talking about whatever - last semester they gave me tips on handing my first winter, we discussed some of the cultural implications of various reality tv shows, and a whole bunch of other things that I dont remember. This past semester a discussion of Mtv's College Life and helicopter parents soon turned to food. I believe it was my mention of LOVING the burger featured in commercial below. Now dat is a nice burger: 

As you can well imagine, the conversation took off instantly on Padma Laksmi's eroticized commodification and how entirely wrong it was of her to agree to be sexualized in this way for a burger of all things. Up front, I agreed with my students who argued based on the knowledge they gained from taking mainstream feminist classes that covered European and American approaches.  I am a teacher at heart, who even if I don't wholly agree can entertain and assist in the development of supported critical views. Their arguments were solid. There are things in this commercial that are red flags of problematic exploitation and devaluation. Nonetheless, I took the opportunity to plug my course next semester that will address subaltern feminisms that implicitly complicate mainstream readings. Subaltern women because of various circumstances have had to negotiate power and agency in ways women in the former spaces might not understand or might not be able to relate to.  To be clear, one approach doesn't negate the relevance and applicability of the other, but neither should be used to obscure our ability to see their mutual virtues. 

Mi gone Phd pon unoo it seems. Pull up likkle bit mek mi rephrase. Because one thing is present i.e. exploitation, commodification, and devaluation does not mean empowerment and agency aren't also present. Sure the commercial is problematic, but it shows a stunning woman of colour, who is central to the celebrity culinary professional landscape, EATING and LOVING what she is eating. AND, she is making beucoup dallas doin it. Dat mek it fi me. It was that commercial that made me go out and buy the burger. I know who she is from Top Chef  - I also know her history as a model. To me, while I can see the sexualized and gendered problematics in the commercial, I also see a woman who enjoys food and is still hella sexy eating it. In this commercial, she epitomizes a healthy relation to food. To me, that is a good thing.  

During the discussion, one of my students related a story of her love for nachos with the works - beautiful girl - not skinny by any means, but not fat either. She was out with longstanding guy friends and was wolfing down the nachos and smiling and mmmmmming and having a good ole time. In the midst of it she looks up and sees her guys staring at her incredulously. One said he had never seen a girl get down on some food like that before and he sees her in a whole new light. Whatever that light was, she admitted to being made uncomfortable by their observation and could no longer enjoy her nachos. Blasphemy mi seh!

This post has already gone on real long and I don't even know if it makes sense, but at the end of the day, some of these things have made me a food activist of sorts, one who fights for a healthy relation to food among women. My pictures of food, even this blog are a kind of rebellion and resistance of the things that make it difficult for women to be out about their love of food. Before wrapping this up though, I have to add, I don't just eat and eat and eat without cognisance of nutrition and a healthy lifestyle. I wont eat just anything from anywhere (well, maybe I might depending on whether on not I had a spinning class that day). Starting February just gone, I have worked diligently to incorporate a one hour increment at least four times a week, where I exercise - get my heart rate up. I am as invested in lookin supa sexy and fabulous as I am in enjoying my food. Balance is important. I hit the gym as hard as I hit my work, because mi love eat. And from it eat good, mi di de pon mi teet.


PS
Crazy, crazy, crazy love to Miss Nix for the shout out on her blog . Do check her out. In all honesty, aside from postsecret hers is the only blog I check on a regular.